One of the biggest puzzle pieces of marriage is finding a balance between taking care of oneself and one’s partner let alone children. Throwing parenting on top of that, you more than triple the challenge! WHY is it so easy to lose sight of one’s needs when caring to your family? Why do I keep stumbling against this again and again?
My biggest lesson in 2019 is that do less to do more. Talking to a dear friend this morning, she shared that her daughter has always been an epic giver to others. Even from the age of nine years old, she would wander around the neighborhood and ask adults for help. She even dusted one lady’s living room and baked cookies with a recent widow!
Later in life, her daughter struggles so much with self-care that she often gives her closest family members the worst of herself (especially during the holidays) because she is so busy giving the best of herself to others. She is the best employee, best girlfriend, best companion, but often does not even see her family members until she is completely zapped, deflated and depleted.
I personally can beyond relate to this powerful example. Being a born giver myself, I struggle to let my kids make their own lunches (because they are not as healthy), clean up the kitchen themselves (leftover food on plates is just not clean) and make their beds (because nothing is tucked in!) My husband shakes his head while I run around micromanaging their domestic mistakes while I literally collapse from unnecessary supervision.
My intention and prayer for 2020 are to let go and let God. Translation: not hyper-manage my kids to the point that I neglect myself AND my husband. I need to work out to be healthy–mind, heart, and body. I need to pray in the morning to seal a spiritual deal for the day. I need to listen to my husband when he’s speaking, not finish his sentences and take more bubble baths to be a compassionate human being. If not, it gets ugly and dramatic and my days become unnecessarily stressful.
So take a look at who do you give to. Who gives to you? Do you have a balance in your exchange of energy? Are you getting or just giving? It does matter. And, are you getting filled up enough to love on the people who matter the most in your life?
My girls don’t need a domestic boss; they need a guide, a mentor, a role model and a parent. My husband doesn’t need me depleted, distracted or exhausted. He needs a partner who is available, attentive and affectionate. My goal for 2020 is to be more of a BFF to myself so that I can give more efficiently and effectively to others. Try it!